Tango's Lament

AKA: Outpost One One Two Yah.

('Sung to the tune of The Eagles' Hotel California' )

Shipped out to the Fleet that day, I really didn't care,
Big bunch of aliens, breathing all the same air.
Way out here in the Sector, I found a terrible sight.
My heart grew heavy and my life looked grim.
I had a terrible night.

There they stood on the platform, my head rang like a bell.
And I was thinking to myself, this sure aint Heaven, so it must be Hell.
Then Kai turned on the Gateway, and he showed me all time.
I tried to run down the corridor, but I heard him say,


Welcome to the Outpost one one two yah
Such a lovely place
(Such a crazy place!)
We've got every race…
Plenty of time at the Outpost One One Two yah
We've got every year
(Through the Gateway there)
You can find time here


Kali is totally pissed off, she's got ol' Ferrari's wheels
He's got a lot of killer, killer boys, that he calls SEALs.
How they fight at the night club, beat them all up.
Some fight for the Cardies, some fight like a pup.

So I called up the Captain, "Please let me go home!"
He said, "We haven't had a way from here, since 'bout the fall of Rome!"
And still Kais's voice is telling me all the time:
Very first thing I did when I got here, was commit a crime…


Welcome to the Outpost One One Two yah
Such a lovely place
(Such a crazy place!)
We've got every race…
They're living it up at the Outpost One One Two yah
Time is just some lies
(What a nice surprise)
You get lots of tries."


Scotty's got the nightclub, Gul Gotto is like ice.
Leata said, "Sure we're all just prisoners here, but now isn't it nice?"
And in the Captain's chambers, they gathered to report,
They tried to make it all make sense, but we'll all end up in court.

Last thing I remember, I was running for a ship.
I had to find a timeline back to before I made this trip,
"Relax," said Nikedoros, "We will all go 'round again."
It doesn't matter how hard you try. It's really very zen!"